


Spare Me What You're Thinking (Tell Me A Lie)

by swanqueenfic13



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, F/F, Fear, Fear of Cheating, It ends happier I promise, Lena finds out, Lies, Light Angst, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 02:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9300968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swanqueenfic13/pseuds/swanqueenfic13
Summary: Lena Luthor has a bachelor’s degree in bioengineering and biology, a master’s in business and finance, can speak three different languages fluently and knows twelve others with varying levels of competency. She graduated top of her class at MIT, then again at Harvard. She has met politicians, world leaders, financial superpowers and actual superheroes. And Lena Luthor knows how to recognize when her girlfriend is hiding something- she just doesn’t know what.Or: Kara is a bad liar but Lena thinks she's lying about something completely different





	

“I hope this isn’t the last time I see you, Ms. Danvers,” Lena smiled. She leaned over her desk, extending a hand to Kara. When Kara grabs it, she feels something small slipped into her palm. She raises an eyebrow but Lena just smiles.

“Me too,” is all she manages to say before she’s following Kal-El - _ Clark, his name is Clark now- _ out and back to CatCo. She waits until she can slip away to the bathroom to see what Lena put into her hand. It’s a business card, carefully folded up. Scrawled on the back is what seems to be a personal phone number along with Lena’s signature. Kara didn’t even know when Lena found the time to write her number during that meeting.

Smiling tentatively, she saves the number under the name “LL” with a green heart. She decides to text her later. Maybe if she’s feeling bold, she’ll even ask her out.

 

One date turns into two turns into three, all quiet, private affairs. Switching between Lena’s apartment and Kara’s.

“You don’t need the media circus. Not for me,” Lena had explained when Kara asked. But now, Lena was here in CatCo to ask her to the gala. As her date. As her  _ girlfriend _ . (These addendums go unspoken but Kara recognizes the question, the insecurity and vulnerability Lena is displaying right now). And Kara is about to say yes when Mon-El interrupts. Lena, trying to be nice and get to know Kara’s friends, invites him too.

Later that evening when Kara goes to visit Lena, she gives her the answer she had been looking to give earlier that day.

 

The gala is a mess. Between Kara splitting her time between being Supergirl and being Kara Danvers, she knows Lena is suspicious of her. Just as they’re finding time to chat and laugh and  _ eat _ (Kara thanks Rao that Lena got potstickers added to the menu), the thieves arrive and cause their particular brand of mayhem. Kara runs off, darting away from Lena and leaving her girlfriend alone in the chaos until Supergirl shows up and then Lena is under the table with Winn saving the day.

After the event, Lena invites Kara back to her apartment.

“I just… I want to know you’re safe,” she admits softly. But Alex is in Kara’s comm link, still hidden under her clothes.

_ “We need you back at the DEO for debrief. It’s important, Kara. You can go back with her later.” _ Kara wants to argue that Lena is important, too. But arguing with the empty air is not normal, even for her.

“I… Lena, I’m sorry,” Kara winces. She watches as Lena’s face falls. Disappointment, shock, hurt. But she only sees the flashes of these emotions for a moment before her girlfriend (Kara adds an internal question mark to this because they’ve never confirmed what they are) schools her face into careful neutrality with an ease that only comes from years in high society. “I just… My sister… Her… She needs me. I’ll be back as soon as I can?”

Lena Luthor has a bachelor’s degree in bioengineering and biology, a master’s in business and finance, can speak three different languages fluently and knows twelve others with varying levels of competency. She graduated top of her class at MIT, then again at Harvard. She has met politicians, world leaders, financial superpowers and actual superheroes. And Lena Luthor knows how to recognize when her girlfriend is hiding something- she just doesn’t know  _ what _ . 

“I understand,” Lena smiles. Because she does. Kara is important to people and she has more important responsibilities than making her girlfriend feel better and safe and  _ alive _ . “I’ll see you some other time.”

“O-okay?” Kara asks more than says. “Are you… sure? I can swing by later when I’m done?”  _ She just pities you, _ a voice hisses.  _ She thinks you’re pathetic and needy and she feels bad because she’s nice. She doesn’t actually care. How foolish of you to think she did _ , it taunts. Lena shoves her insecurities to the side.

“I’m certain. You have… other people need you. I’ll be fine. I’ll text you.” Still not completely satisfied, Kara nods. She kisses Lena’s cheek briefly-  _ not even on the mouth. She really must dislike you _ \- before hurrying off. Lena stands for a moment, watching her go. She waits until she’s alone in her apartment before letting the tears fall as it all hits her: Kara just lied to her face and ran off and Lena is all alone and so scared.

_ What if I lose her _ ? This thought sends Lena tumbling over some invisible edge into hysterical and she falls asleep hours later, cheeks wet and still in her gala dress, too tired to change.

 

When Lena was in fourth grade, her teacher sent a note home praising Lena’s creativity. She had a propensity for creating entire worlds and people and narratives so vivid that they painted a clear picture in people’s heads. The note also served to alert the Luthors that their daughter (a term Lena now scoffs at) also had a propensity for getting lost in her imagination, losing herself in the darkest shadows.

She spent far too many pages dialoguing about her fears of being lost and all of the terrible things that could happen if she just did one thing different.

“She seems to jump to the worst conclusions, operating in a world of sudden-death urgency. I’m concerned about the effect on her mental health,” the teacher had explained in the note- Lena had found it torn in two and in the trash can. Her parents never talked to her about it. Her teacher had been transferred to the sister school in Wales. Lena was convinced it was all her fault. 

 

The lies continue and get, if possible, more ridiculous and concerning.

_ “I need to- there’s a- my sister locked herself out.” _

_ “Winn got his… foot stuck in a… toilet. He’s too embarrassed to call anyone else.” _

_ “Cat needs me- I mean, Snapper! Snapper needs me to chase down a lead. Not Cat. She’s not even here, why would she need me? Ha, I’m just gonna go… Chase down that lead for Cat- CatCo! Not Cat, just the magazine. Where I work.” _

_ “No, no, it’s not… I’ll be back in an hour, I swear. Alex just needs me.” _

_ “My sister is… she thinks she’s pregnant and… is freaking out.” _

_ “I got- I left my oven on!” _

_ “I have… Work. Stuff.” _

Over time, they get lazier and lazier and Lena begins to put to use what Ms. Walsh had called her “propensity for self-destructive thoughts.” She began to theorize about what Kara was actually doing when she lied to Lena. Maybe she was having an affair. Maybe she was just pretending to like her to spy on her for Supergirl. Maybe Kara realized she could never love a monster, a Luthor. 

She’s having a secret affair with Cat Grant.

She’s regretting ever kissing Lena.

She’s laughing somewhere with Supergirl over how foolish Lena is to think she’s loved.

She’s kissing Winn or James or Mike. 

She’s leaving and is never coming back.

Suddenly, it’s all too much. The pressure of her own accusations and theories is pressing on her chest and she  _ can’t breathe _ . It hurts and it hurts and Kara isn’t there. The world is spinning and Lena’s mind is racing with all of the possibilities, a thousand and one different nightmare outcomes, each more tragic than the next. She’s breathing heavy, gasping and just trying to get  _ oxygen. _

She hunches over at her desk, presses a button on her computer that alerts Jess to let no one into the office or put any calls through. Without a word, on shaking legs and through half-gasped sobs, Lena retreats into her in-office suite, sound proofed for occasions like this. Sitting on the cool tile bathroom floor, she kicks her heels off and curls into a ball, pinching the skin on her palms until it bleeds.

An hour later and she has collected herself, made herself presentable again and apologizes to Jess before getting back to work, the dark thoughts not gone but pushed aside to focus on more pressing matters.

 

The pressure builds and it builds until, just after Thanksgiving, after her mother and Cadmus and everything going to hell, it breaks.

“I’m sorry, Lena. I didn’t mean to go AWOL I just… My phone died,” Kara tried to apologize for the four days of silence. 

Without meaning to, Lena snorts, “Sure it did.”

“S-sorry?” Kara stammers. Lena rolls her eyes, fed up. She shoves her chair away from her desk and stands, coming face to face with Kara.

“Why don’t you try that again?” she offers, all fake smiles and poisonous glares, her arms crossed over her chest and one shoe tapping a dangerous, staccato rhythm on the floor. 

“I- Lena, my phone died and I went to Midvale for a few days and-”

“Oh, yes, please continue!” Lena interrupts. She gestures almost violently with her hands as she continues. Her tone is clipped, curt. “Please, tell me another lie. Why don’t you tell me another lie? Why don’t you tell me the sky is yellow? Why don’t you tell me… water is not wet? Why don’t you tell me sand is not dry?” Lena’s voice is growing louder and louder but suddenly it gets soft and when she opens her eyes, Kara is surprised to see tears. “Why don’t you tell me… you love me? Tell me you trust me?”

“But Lena, I love you! I do,” Kara says earnestly. But Lena is dangerously close to really crying now and she swats at the air as if she can physically fight off Kara’s words.

“Stop, Kara. Stop with the lies, just  _ stop _ .” And she just sounds so tired, so defeated. It pains her to say this. “I think you should go.”

“Lena, please, just let me explain,” Kara begs in a whisper.

“Kara, I’m not an idiot. You’ve been lying to me since the beginning. Please, just go,” Lena begs now because she does  _ not _ want to let Kara see her cry (a few tears have already slipped out but those don’t count because they are nowhere near the sobs she can feel building in her chest, pushing and holding pressure like a dam about to burst).

“Lena!” Her head snaps up at the sound of Kara’s insistent call. Only to find Kara standing with her shirt half-unbuttoned, revealing the familiar blue suit and red sigil. Upon later reflection, Lena will realize Kara’s feet were no longer on the floor, instead hovering a foot off the ground. “Lena, I’m so sorry. I only lied because… Well because of this. Because I was afraid and when people get close to me they become targets and I’ve spent nearly my entire life protecting this secret and it’s still sometimes hard for me to give it up. But I should have trusted you and I’m so, so sorry. Please, Lena, forgive me.” And somewhere during that apology, Lena ended up cradled in Kara’s lap, bawling and clutching to her girlfriend, likely staining the super suit with snot and salty tears.

“I-I th-thought you were l-leaving me,” Lena admits through painful, choked sobs and shuddering breaths. Kara just brings her back to the couch, rocks her gently and holds her tight.

“I’m right here. I’m not leaving,” Kara kisses the promises into her hair, squeezing her tighter. Lena’s not sure when she falls asleep. But when she does, Kara- Supergirl?- is still holding her. But they’re in a bed now, somewhere Lena doesn’t recognize. But it smells like Kara and it’s safe and warm and Kara is there so she just burrows into the embrace and goes back to sleep, putting off the inevitable conversation for another day.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a lyric from a One Direction song (it's catchy, okay?) called Tell Me A Lie
> 
> The whole "why don't you tell me another lie" rant from Lena is based on a scene I saw in an NCIS episode
> 
>  
> 
> (I hope it wasn't too angsty)


End file.
